Grey Skies and Happy Sighs...: January 2025, Wind, Waves, and Weathering The Storm.

Well hello again my lovelies, I hope you've had a good week? I have been dealing with a lot still, and am clearly very far behind in my Blog. I'd apologise, but I'm not actually sure that anyone reads this, so it doesn't really matter, does it? If there is actually someone out there reading this, then hi! Thank you for being here. I will share some nice photos and videos just for you.

These images are all from the first two full weeks in January this year. I still had lots of work to catch up on, as well as dealing with withdrawal symptoms because I had to come off one of my medications. Never fun. I did get out of the house a couple of times, to run errands and such. One day, I took a windy walk along the beach. I sat for a while just watching the waves and trying to heal my spirit, but I was filled with immense sadness. I am a very intuitive person, and there have been many times in my life when I just knew something was wrong. I started getting very strong feelings, or premonitions, regarding my relationship with Gareth. I second guessed everything, because I always do. We'd just had an incredible holiday to Sweden and Norway over Christmas, why should I doubt? I blamed the fact that I had had to come off my antidepressants, which is always going to upset your brain chemistry. And yet, I couldn't shake the feeling.

I like to take long walks on the beach and whisper my fears to the wind and waves. Not necessarily hoping for answers, but just as a release. Speaking the fears out loud can help me to process the emotional turmoil, help me to figure out where this pain is coming from. I'm not good at talking to people while I go through things. I've never really had a safe space where I could be vulnerable around people. My emotional needs were never recognised. I was not allowed to cry or express myself as a child. Everyone else's needs took priority, and I was supposed to put them first, always. I was told I was selfish, mean, greedy, even vicious, for trying to set healthy boundaries. When I did attempt to share any painful experiences or emotions, I was told it was my fault. That I deserved it. So. I had to be the strong one, and look after everyone else. I learned that my needs were not important and I should put everyone else first, always. Not at all conducive to healthy relationships in my future. I have spent so many years trying to heal and if not love, then maybe like myself, even a little. It's an ongoing battle.

So. I spoke my fears and doubts to the wind and waves. Sometimes when I do this, I recieve answers and reassurance. This time, they merely echoed my thoughts back to me. A confirmation. 2025 was off to a bad start.